As most of you know - I'm a klutz. All my life, I have been getting hurt in some stupid random way or another. About a year ago, I decided to compile a list of some of the stupid things I've done in my life (not all....definitely not all) and posted on MySpace...thought I'd update and post here to give everyone a chuckle at my expense.
Age 2 - decided to drink humidifier fluid. Thankfully - this is something I don't remember, but I was told I was given something that made me throw it all up.
Age 4 - July 4th 1984....probably the biggest klutz moment of my life. A sewing machine cut the tip of my right index finger off....yes, a sewing machine. The lid of the sewing machine, to be more precise. I was playing "bank" with the toilet paper - by putting a piece under the lid and slamming the lid down (i really don't know what that has to do with banking, but that's what I was playing). Apparently, my finger didn't get out in time and what they call a knife hinge (appropriately named) hit it at just the right angle. No more fingertip. I was given the choice of cutting off my toe and sewing it on my finger. At age 4, I was no dummy. My first thoughts were "then I'll be missing a toe?" and "i don't want to pick my nose with my toe!".
Elementary - I got my arm stuck in a couch for an hour. I fell out of a treehouse. I was jumping on the couch, knocked a lamp over and set the house on fire. I thought it'd be a good idea to make a necklace out of the piece of bubblegum I was chewing - it wasn't. I shut my left index finger in a car door, needing a splint. I went skating and fell, grabbed on to a piece of tin - and sliced my left index finger again leaving what I call my "neosporin" scar. Remember that commercial with the finger and the bandaid - before neosporin and after? Except my scar looks like the "before" picture. I don't have good luck with index fingers....
Middle school - I hit a tree with my bike trying to show off. I ran over a smaller tree with a riding lawn mower. I crashed a moped, scraping the heck out of my right leg. I spilled a very hot bowl full of chicken dumplings on my legs, leaving a pretty bad burn.
High School - a car trunk fell on my head, leaving me with 8 stitches. i threw my arm out of socket while twirling. In gym, I tried to jump against a door to see how high I could go, landed on the doorknob and had a softball size bruise on my thigh for a few weeks. It looked like my parents beat me. I hit and killed a dog with my car....while the owner was walking him.
College - I forgot sunscreen on a 6-hour floating trip....and I'm a redhead. I fell down a flight of stairs after class. My luck, the guy who stood there watching me was one of Jon's good friends that I would meet again at a later time. He remembered my infamous fall. I fell down another flight of stairs at my friend's wedding. (I'm not really good with stairs).
After College - I fell off a ramp with a wheelbarrow, spraining my ankle. I have fallen out of my office chair at least a couple of times, once while on the phone. I thought I had a flat tire on a really icy day, so at a stoplight I opened my car door, got out to look, slipped and fell twice trying to get back into my car before the light turned green - no flat tire. I bent over to pick up a towel and threw out my back. I got to laughing so hard with my best friend Kendra that I fell off the couch and hit my side on the coffee table leaving a bruise that lasted a couple of weeks. I've gotten an infection on my forehead after bending over and hitting my head on my office desk - and I was allergic to the antibiotic they prescribed me, which gave me an itchy rash all over my body. The tip of my missing finger now gets infected frequently from changing Sam's diapers.
Yes, I'm surprised I made it this far too! I sure hope for Sam's sake that my gracefulness is not hereditary....
